Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
