Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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