he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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