Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
