tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
