I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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