i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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