Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
