Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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