he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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