Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
