i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
