Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Go christen that room with your naked body.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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