no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
