Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
this is an emotional support booty call
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
