guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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