Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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