I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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