update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
