How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
