Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize