Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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