Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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