I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
