when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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