he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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