Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize