can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize