I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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