If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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