I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
