Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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