why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize