i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
