Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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