New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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