There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
