we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
