i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
