You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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