This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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