who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
