glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
