we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
