either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
