I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I will pee on everything he values.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Randomize