I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
