some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
