In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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