Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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