i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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