i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
