Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How does it feel to date your dad?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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