Princesses don't give blow jobs
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
