There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize