If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
