Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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