So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
