We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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