Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
