it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Barsexuality is the new black.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
