I seem to have left my pride at pride
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Semen is not good for contacts.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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