Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
this hospital has no fireball
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
