god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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