Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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