the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
