I feel great
I just peed on a car
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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