Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
