Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
