Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
