I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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