Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
