Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
