Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
