I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
