she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Randomize
