picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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