i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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