Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Randomize
