can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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