is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
