So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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