Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
