Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
