six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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