I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm always down for nudity.
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