it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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