OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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