Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
