They should really pass out barf bags in church
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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