I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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