why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
