Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
