matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
wanna go halves on a baby?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
