Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
