My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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