It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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