I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
A+ Viking dick
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
