You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
