i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
