Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
