Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
