she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
