Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize